Let’s be real, social media can feel like a party that wasn’t planned too well more times than not. It makes you want to reenact the scene in Office Space where the office employees destroy the infamous printer they could never get to work. What frustrates you the most?

Here Are Some of My Frustrations:

1. Chasing the Slider – The annoying moving slider that keeps moving and loses your place when you are reviewing posts further down in the social stream.
2. Where is the MegaStore? – I can’t wait for the day that all social media tools are in one online store for easy comparisons of side by side features and value.
3. Pricing Transparency – Too many services offering free trials and not revealing their prices up front.
4. Facebook Customer Service – Why? Because there is NO SUCH thing. The advertising portal is full of bugs yet there is no way to contact Facebook to communicate those issues in a timely manner, however they have no issue when it comes to charging your card on time.
5. Speaking of Bugs – So many bugs!! If social sites were honest they would call us their beta-testers instead of their users.

Share your Frustrations and WIN!

Click on the jar to share your social media frustrations for a chance to win a social media audit and personalized plan. If you prefer “show” rather than “tell,” share a photo illustrating your frustrations on our facebook page for a chance to win.

Stephanie Michele is a behavior skills analyst, social media strategist and social authenticity voice coach. She audits social media behavior and works one-on-one with people to create plans aligned to personality traits and goals. For more information about her and coaching sessions, click here.

Warning Signs Include:
1.    You follow and friend people only with the expectation that they will follow you back.
2.    You waste productive time counting followers and friends.
3.    #You #hashtag #everything  #!!!!!
4.    You have no idea who is in your social media networks.
5.    You talk all the time, but have no idea who is listening.
6.    The thought of trying to organize your efforts by connecting them to real goals is overwhelming.

Stop The Madness!!

1.    Create goals.
2.    Grow your network based on those goals.
3.    Identify a target demographic and understand how to engage them.
4.    Choice social media tools that help you organize and track your efforts based on YOUR goals.
5.    Don’t assume your social graphs are tracking information that determines how successful you will be using social media. Real life results such as sales and new business opportunities determine success; track those things.
6.    Create relationships with potential for partnerships based on shared interest, support, offerings and commitment.

Share your Frustrations and WIN!

What else frustrates you about social media? Click on the jar to share your frustrations for a chance to win a social media audit and personalized plan. If you prefer “show” rather than “tell,” share a photo illustrating your frustrations on our facebook page for a chance to win.

Stephanie Michele is a behavior skills analyst, social media strategist and social authenticity voice coach.  She audits social media behavior and works one-on-one with people to create plans aligned to personality traits and goals. For more information about her and coaching sessions, click here.

I take breaks from social media interaction to check and refocus alignment to personal and business goals. I am learning all the time no matter if I am reading the latest tech news or slowing down to be reflective. In the midst of my social media sabbaticals, I have managed to grow five twitter accounts with a combined total of over 8,000 followers. (This does not include client accounts where I have implemented and managed social media strategy)

Social Media can be Cruel

If you are using social media you have probably experienced some mean-spirited comments at some point. It is likely you have also found yourself being swept up in a current of “read-overload” that wasted precious productive time. Lastly, if you are using advanced social media tools for monitoring and managing your social media accounts, you might have experienced a case of “Social Graph Bullying” where your social graph creates doubt, confusion and hopelessness.

Your #1 Influencer

Everybody is talking about influence these days. Who is influencing you? Who is the most important person to be influenced by when it comes to social media? Do you know? Get out a mirror. The person who is staring back at you is the one you need to align with. Know that person. Know what his or her goals are. Identify your primary influencer’s communication formula and take time to understand how to successfully apply it to social media.

Stephanie Michele is social media strategist and Social Authenticity Voice Coach. See her full bio here and learn how you can schedule a session with her to reveal your communication formula and connect it to social media strategy that will achieve your goals.

I did not plan to make any New Year’s resolutions this year but I would like to take this time to reflect on LOL before I attempt to bury it for good in 2012.

Perhaps a silly game to match LOL ridiculousness is in order. Want to play? Here is how it works. Whenever someone uses LOL,  respond as if you have no idea what they mean while simultaneously making up your own meaning for LOL. Hint: Keep some fun “L” and “O” words on hand. Below are some of mine. I can’t wait to ask someone, “Why are you talking about LIGHT ORANGE LIPSTICK?”

1. Light Orange Lipstick
2. Loud Ordinary Lesbian
3. Lube On Lasagna
4. Lick of Lizard
5. Leaping Over Leprechauns
6. Long Obnoxious & Ludicrous

Please share your list with me too.

What other example of triple impact inspire you? Please share.

Now I live in a neighborhood with over a dozen streets in Venice, CA. I am lucky if I know two or three people on just a couple of streets and if it was not for walking my dogs, I would probably not know anyone. My neighborhood is a mix of all kind of people: young and old, professional and creative, black, white and Hispanic, American born and from various international destinations. There are new modern homes and homes that have been here since early 20th century. I often wonder who am I sharing ground with and what stories are waiting to be shared behind the closed doors of the houses on my street.

In a neighborhood very different from mine, author Peter Lovenheim wondered the same. He set out on a journey to search for community and know his neighbors one sleepover at time. Yes, you read that correctly, Peter’s journey included a version of the sleepover most of us looked forward to doing with friends as a child. I recently read Peter’s book, In the Neighborhood and loved every word of it. Peter’s journey is full of thoughtful reflection and delightful moments that I have to admit, might be missing in my life as I speed through a list of things to do and allow myself to get distracted by things that really don’t matter that much when you put them into perspective.

I had a chance to connect with Peter to find out more about the experiment he archived in his book, In the Neighborhood: The Search for Community on a American Street, One Sleepover at Time.

Interview with Peter Lovenheim -

1. One of things I admired the most about your journey to know your neighbors was your willingness to understand them no matter how different they were from you. Was this a conscious decision you made? Did you have to overcome any challenges to do so?

Well, yes, that’s part of the fun of non-fiction writing: you get to spend time with people who are different from you, observe them carefully, and try to convey through the choice of details–speech, dress, behavior, belief, etc.–their character to the reader. In this book, among the people I wrote about who are quite different from me were an 83 year-old retired surgeon, a 32 year-old businesswoman; a single mom struggling with cancer; a mail carrier, and a Turkish-born grandmother whose daughter was murdered.

2. After experiencing people who agreed to your sleepovers and who didn’t, did you find each group shared some common characteristics? If so, what are they?

They all expressed a similar desire to be known by their immediate neighbors and to live with a sense of connection to those around them. The only difference I found was that the ones who didn’t agree to participate in my project just had a greater need for privacy–and since I was writing a book, I can certainly understand and respect that.

3. Have you giving any thought on what motivates decisions pertaining to privacy and how this has changed over the years?

I have not made any study of this, but my sense is that in the last 20 years or so, people have become more open about the facts of their lives–and I think this is attributable both to the amount of personal material on the Internet as well as the proliferation of reality and talk shows on TV where sharing personal information appears normative–but at the same time more protective of their personal space as a kind of haven from all that exposure. In allowing me inside their homes, my neighbors were, in effect, allowing the personal and the private to merge, and it was within that safe and trusting place, discussions of life stories, and private thoughts and feelings became possible.

4. In your process to connect with your neighbors you seemed to learn and appreciate how circumstance and situation affected outcome. For instance, you realized people were more likely to say yes to you if you approached them away from their homes. Are there any other tips that you now understand to be helpful in creating an atmosphere of understanding and connection?

Well, in terms of methodology, what I learned along the way was that it, in terms of being non-threatening to people and slowly building a sense of trust, it did work better if our earlier meetings and interviews took place at a neutral location e.g. a coffee shop, rather than in someone’s home. And something I teach my students about interviewing techniques is that if you want someone to open up to you, it is usually essential that you also open up to them. Therefore, my interviews nearly always resemble conversations in which both I and the other person gradually reveal ourselves to each other–that is what builds trust, understanding, and connection.

5. One of my favorite parts of the book is how you described simply moments of intimacy; for example – seeing someone right after they wake and sharing breakfast with them. I personally believe those moments are taken for granted in the age of “social” technologies and mass media/entertainment. Any thoughts on this?

It was just a hunch I had that waking under the same roof would create a greater sense of intimacy–something I remembered from childhood sleepovers. In fact, it did, and many of the deepest and most intimate conversations took place the morning after a sleepover–and often continued right through the rest of the day.

6. How has your experiment changed your behavior?

It’s just confirmed for me that most people–maybe not all, but a strong majority–desire to be connected with those around them, so when I do reach out to a new person, I’m more confident that in offering a connection, I am offering something that they probably desire.

7. When you move away from Sandringham Road, what characteristics will you look for in a new community?

I will be looking for place where I can feel part of a community–whether it’s an apartment building, a condo development, or an urban or suburban street. I’d especially like to be in a place where I can walk to a coffee shop or a restaurant, as well as to a park or other place where people gather and talk.

8. Are there any other processes for creating and keeping community that you have learned and would like to share?

I’ve had the opportunity to meet with several dozen book clubs who have read my book and this has made me aware of book clubs as a great vehicle for community-building. I’m met with book clubs composed of neighbors, people with similar religious or cultural backgrounds, professions, hobbies, sports, etc. Other than neighborhood associations, which are also great vehicles for community-building, I think book clubs can be a wonderful way to bring people together and create community.

9. Are there any residential planners or builders you have learned of that are passionate about designing neighborhoods suited for community engagement?

There are a growing number of architects and planners designing communities on principles of “new urbanism.” There are also some who specialize in trying to make over sections of existing suburbs–for example, dead shopping malls–to make them into healthier communities.

10. What are some of your favorite highlights from stories people have shared with you after reading your book?

They are mostly variations on: “I live in a high-rise apartment building and down the hall I know there’s an elderly man who lives alone, but in 12 years we’ve never done more than nod in the elevator. After reading your book, I was motivated to introduce myself and say that if he ever has an emergency or needs anything, he is welcome to call. I couldn’t believe how grateful he was; I’m only sorry it took me so long to reach out.” I hear a lot of stories like that, and each one is tremendously gratifying.

11. What is next for you?

An empty nest, a move, and I hope a new book project to get started on. A topic that intrigues me is attachment theory, and how our earliest relationships as infants and children affect our future relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners, as well as how we relate to work, institutions, religion, and the state.

You can learn more about Peter on his website and purchase In the Neighborhood here.

Side Effects may include: Loss of Well-being, Business, Relationships, Interest, Time, Understanding and Reality. May also result in odd and reckless behavior, restlessness and mood swings. Watch video below and then learn how you can overcome an online identify crisis and stress & overload by clicking here.

Would you do business with a company that tricked you into it?

Despite the amount of bills and junk mail I receive, I actually look forward to getting the mail. I like sorting the mail to find my red envelope from Netflix and the occasional greeting card surprise from a friend or family member. Recently, I have a new reason to be excited about what is in the mailbox. I signed up to sponsor four WorldVision kids.  One could argue these kids need more from me than I need from them, but I am certain the opportunity to learn and grow with them without the influence of media and marketing is something my core is crying out for.

As I sort through the mail, my eye is always drawn to handwriting on an envelope. On a recent trip to the mailbox I received the piece of mail in the photo. As first glance, the standard envelope with no return address inspired the following questions: Could this be my first letter from one of my kids, a letter from an old friend or boyfriend with a confession of love? I tore open the envelope with enthusiasm. As I looked at the copy of an article supposedly sent from someone I know named Cory, my smile faded. This was nothing more than a marketing message of trickery. I actually considered if I knew someone named Cory and found myself getting upset. How dare someone without consideration of my circumstances take my time in this way?  What if I was concerned with memory loss and the letter triggered an emotional breakdown of remorse over forgetting a friend and/or conversation? What if there was an unfavorable Cory of the past and the note triggered fear, sadness and/or anger?  No matter how I think about it this tactic is dirty and wrong.

We are over-marketed too. Everyone is trying to come up with the latest tactics and tools to break through the noise and be at the top. As I work with clients, colleagues and the people I meet struggling to find their way through personal life struggles and business success I am certain the only tactic worth investing in is a practice of caring.  In the mix of caring: authenticity, transparency, understanding and empathy. The willingness to grow should not be a process reserved for an individual buying a self-help book. The willingness to grow should be a process that every company no matter how big or small subscribes too. If recent American economic history has taught us anything it is for certain that cheating and lying catches up with companies in the same way it destroys personal relationships.

How far does your practice of caring go? What does it mean to care about your employees, vendors and customers? How do you care for the people in your life that contribute to your well-being? How do you manage your day and expectations in order to maintain self care?

There are many more questions I could ask here. My point is if you can’t seem to figure out how social media will work for your business and how to evolve to maintain and improve your position in the marketplace it is not because you don’t understand the tools it is directly related to a disconnect in caring about what you are offering and who you are offering it to.

Flash forward to today. Mass competition and opportunities for consumption of goods has closed the door to the general store as we know it. As these stores have closed who has taking on the hidden role and community responsibilities of the clerk? The answer is NO ONE.  What are the possible reasons for this? Two immediate thoughts come to mind.

1.       Without a general meeting place where everyone flows through at some point or another it might seem like an impossible task.

2.       With population increases, we somehow no longer see value in knowing everyone in our communities; without this perceived value the practice of “thoughtful” introduction becomes a relic of past.

What Do I Mean by Thoughtful Introduction?

Thoughtful introductions take place through a series of social interactions.

Interaction One: You know someone’s needs, wants, passions, missions, goals and/or  struggles.  I imagine some people are thinking right now, who has time for that? My answer: EVERYONE DOES! Often you can pick up on these things with a quick glance over an online profile. Or by asking one or all of these questions: What are you working on these days? What are you passionate about it? What are you into?

Sidenote: Remember my rant in Socially ILL about the question “What do you do?”  I recommend the above list of questions to replace “What do you do?” if you want to make social interaction more interesting and enjoyable while simultaneously improving your chances  for connection.

Interaction Two: You repeat the steps in Interaction One with everyone you meet.

Interaction Three: Upon meeting or learning about someone new you ask yourself, “ Who do I know that would benefit by meeting this person?”

Interaction Four: After answering the question in Interaction Three, you facilitate an introduction with one or more points of connection. For example: You might introduce people that share a similar passion for a cause, who can trade skills each other needs, and/or just seem to be alike and might enjoy each other’s company.

In Malcolm Gladwell’s book The Tipping Point in the chapter called ‘The Law of the Few” he talks about three types of people: Connectors, Mavens, and Salesmen.  I believe the process of thoughtful introduction helps you develop the skills of all three.  Obviously as you practice thoughtful introduction you become a Connector. As you listen and learn about the topics that others are passionate about you increase your knowledge base and become a bit of Maven. When you make the introduction there is no need to over-sell one person to another. You might feel it necessary to state something like “I don’t know either of you well enough to be sure of your connection, but my feeling is you should know each other and hope something good comes from doing so.”  It is this kind of sincerity that separates a good salesperson from an exceptional salesperson.

In addition to increasing your social skill set, there are more reasons to practice thoughtful introduction. This type of social responsibility is the exact kind energy required to increase empathy and community and to decrease isolation.  If none of those reasons appeal to you and you waiting for me to tell you how practicing thoughtful introduction will personally benefit you then here is what you been waiting for. When you make thoughtful introductions for others, it comes back to you! As you do it, others are inspired to do it as well. It is a pay-it-forward and it ALWAYS comes back to you.  If you want to double your odds that it will, teach others to do the same.

What Do Bloggers Have to Do with all of This?

I have thought long and hard about who can fill the shoes of the general store clerk of the past.  When it finally hit me, I was shocked at the answer. I think bloggers like me are in the best position to do so. And here is why:

1.       We are passionate thought leaders that invite people to think, comment , share and have conversations.

2.       We have the power to build large communities of people online.

3.       We are more than half-way there! We are already known for spreading news and promoting events, dare I say in most cases what we share is self serving?? Why not balance out the offering with a socially responsible act of facilitating thoughtful introductions?

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility

I am going to call on my blogger friends and reach out to bloggers that I admire and believe have it in them to make a greater difference than they are already making.

To make it easier for everyone to practice thoughtful introductions, I suggest using the tools of social media. Make introductions through LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter. On Twitter I  started the hashtag – #CTC.  CTC stands for Connect Through Conversation meant to encourage two people to connect offline to explore mutual interest.

Examples of Tweet Using #CTC:

@niffer222 you should #ctc with @lovemorenow, you both are struggling with same homework assignment and I think you could help each other

@relational #ctc with @socialbling, isolation is your topic, now put your heads together and make a difference

@lovemorenow #ctc with @oldpetslovemore, she just moved to your area and would like to meet new friends.

Whether you are blogger or not, whether you are using online tools or prefer offline means of communication, you can practice thoughtful introductions. As you do, please share your ideas and stories with me.

NOTE: If you look up #CTC now there is a lot of random use for it. Hopefully, we can overcome this?